It's All Coming Back to Me
by playergurl89
Summary: Wedding bells are in the air, but the celebrations have to wait. When Gale is kidnapped, all Katniss knows is she has to find him and bring him home where he belongs. Major spoilers from the get-go for anyone who hasn't read all 3 books.
1. It's All Coming Back To Me

**A/N: Writing this is kind of therapeutic for me in that I was dissatisfied with the end of the trilogy and feel compelled to fix it. I've written 3 chapters and, in my head, have a plan for the remaining 3 or 4, with the exception of the ending. There are two I'm toying with, one more artistic, one more of a fangirl gratification. We'll see what mood I'm in when I get there.**

**The way Suzanne Collins left things allowed Katniss to cop out on making a choice between Peeta and Gale by removing Gale from the equation, and I wouldn't mind if Gale was this horrible, selfish person who didn't deserve to get the girl in the end, but he wasn't! And I can rant about this until I'm blue in the face, but instead I am channeling my feelings into a more positive medium.**

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Things are better now than they were. That is, they are when I'm awake. District 12 is flourishing. Not only did people rebuild, they improved. The removal of the fence gave people besides myself the privilege of being able to hunt in the woods and either legally sell their haul or feed their families. I have no family to feed. Mom is never coming home. That hospital she helped build in District 4? She is helping run it now. I hear their doctors are becoming some of the best in the country. Gale's mother, brothers, and sister followed him to District 2. With his job helping develop military tactics, they surely never go hungry anymore. And Prim... My sweet little duck. My Prim is still gone.

I look up out the window and see water dripping from the icicles hanging from the roof.

Thank God winter is nearly over. I currently have too much time to let my mind wander. Come spring, I'll take to the woods and resume hunting. I hardly ever bring anything home anymore, and usually sell any game I catch to the butcher at a low price for coins I don't really need. I just enjoy being in the woods. Even if Gale isn't ever going to meet me there again. His absence makes the woods seem bigger, emptier; the way Prim and Mom's absence do the house.

I hear the front door open shortly after I've returned my attention to the letter I was in the middle of writing. A moment later I smell bread and smile faintly.

"Who's that one for?" Peeta asks. He doesn't try to look. I don't expect him to.

The letters are part of my therapy. They will never be sent and I will never share them. Peeta respects this. He thinks it's good for me to express myself the way he does with his paintings, even if I don't share them with him the way he does with me.

"My father." I fold the letter in half, then tuck it away in a drawer.

"Don't stop on my account," he says.

I rise and join him on the couch. "I'm not. I'm hungry." I reach forward and take a slice of bread from the basket he's set on the coffee table. It's still warm. I take a bite and swallow before asking, "Been to see Haymitch already?"

"Believe it or not, I did and he was sober. More or less."

"What's wrong?" I ask sharply.

Haymitch hasn't been sober since we came home after the war, and he was only sober then because he either didn't have access to liquor or it was a matter of life or death that he have a clear head. Let me correct myself. He's sober when he's supply runs out. However he only restocked yesterday, when the train came bringing more, so that's no excuse.

"Don't know," he says. "He told me he's expecting a visitor or two today, though."

"Nobody visits Haymitch but me, you, and Greasy Sae." And he certainly didn't bother sobering up for any of us.

"Well he seemed okay, so maybe you're worrying for nothing."

I take another bite of bread. Because my level of optimism is nowhere near Peeta's, my mind is already rebelling against the idea of rallying any troops for anymore wars. Not that that's really a realistic option anymore since I went a little mad. My time as the Mockingjay has come to an end.

The low roar of an engine catches my attention and I tilt my head to the side slightly as I try to identify the source of the sound.

"Do you hear that?" I ask.

"Sounds like a car."

No one in District 12 bothers with cars any more than they did before the war, but a few were maintained in town for visitors.

I rise, glancing out the window as I walk to the door. There is indeed a car pulling up to Haymitch's house. I throw open the door just in time to watch Gale help his mother out of the car.

Gale!

My lips part in shock. I thought I would never see him again after the day of the assassination and yet here he is.

He turns his head to look at me. I don't know if he knew I was standing here or if the motion was out of habit, but he looks away as Peeta joins me in the doorway.

"I take it you didn't know he was coming either?" he asks quietly.

"No," I say as Gale and Hazelle walk up the path to Haymitch's house and subsequently disappear inside. I slowly close my own door.

That traitor. How could he not warn me?

"Don't you want to go say hello? It's been...what, a year?" Peeta asks.

Longer.

"No."

"I spoke to Annie this morning," Peeta says. Thank God he took the hint.

"Oh?" My hand finds his as I turn and return to the couch.

"Yeah, she wants to bring Finn for a visit. I told her we'd love to meet him." Annie returned to District 4 after the war. She is stronger than I gave her credit for in that she returned to the place where she and Finnick fell in love and chooses to raise their son there without him.

He doesn't speculate as to whether my mother would accompany them them because we both know she won't. Between Prim and my father, there's been too much loss for her here. She is content to receive the occasional phone call from me verifying I'm still alive because, although I am her daughter, I am also a symbol of the war that claimed Prim's life.

Peeta stays a while longer, then he kisses me and returns to his own house three doors down. I return to the window to stare at Haymitch's house, willing someone to emerge.

Damn them both. Haymitch could have warned me. Gale could have called first. I'm sure other people knew what he intended to do and could have let me know in advance so I could...what? Steel myself? Hide? He didn't so much as nodded in my direction when he arrived. Oh, he glanced my way but he didn't acknowledge me. It was probably more of a reflex than a real attempt to seek me out. He's been at Haymitch's for the last couple hours or so, but no one's come to say anything to me. No visit from Gale or Hazelle. No invitation from Haymitch to join them. Nothing.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say Gale had no intention of coming to see me.


	2. You Were History

**A/N: Don't get spoiled. Daily chapters won't become a 'thing' until I finish writing the story. If I have my way, it'll be done this weekend. Depends on how my workload shapes up. Anywho, hope you guys like the chapter!**

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I'm at the window again the next morning, and watch Peeta enter Haymitch's house with bread as though nothing's wrong. I suppose it isn't really. Not for him. And not for me either.

I turn away from the window and find something to occupy myself with so Peeta doesn't ask what's wrong when he finishes at Haymitch's and comes here. I end up reading a book. Well. I pretend to read a book. Until I fall asleep.

I'm startled awake by Peeta's arrival, and bothered when I realize it's late afternoon. "You're late."

"Sorry. Sat for a while with Haymitch and Hazelle talking about the wedding cake. Lost track of time. Haymitch-"

"Wait, what? Wedding?"

"The wedding they would have told you about if you'd been by. Haymitch says you haven't since the day before yesterday. He was wondering if you were sick or something..."

I would have gone yesterday if I hadn't been standing around avoiding...hiding...waiting...

"...Hazelle wanted to come check on you but I assured them you were fine, just busy."

I snort. There was no way Haymitch bought that. Part of how I kept busy in the winter included bothering him. I look at the coffee table. "Where's the bread?"

"Baking. I had to make another loaf. Turned out Hazelle and Gale were rather fond of yours."

Gale ate my bread. How dare he? And Peeta... Peeta let him!

All I say is, "Okay." Peeta stares at me expectantly so I give him a quick kiss. "I'll drop in on Haymitch tomorrow. Remind him that he doesn't really miss me like he seems to think he does."

We share a grin. He asks about the book I fell asleep with and I encourage him to read to me. While he reads, I think. Wedding planning. They were sitting around, eating my bread, planning Gale's wedding. He didn't intend to move back here, did he? The thought was appalling and so unlike him. He stayed away either because of or for me. To do a complete 180 and rub my face in this was just... not... us. But why wasn't he planning at home in District 2?

Peeta leaves long enough to fetch the bread, then returns and eats dinner with me before going home for the night. Neither of us comment on the fact that it's the longest I've gone without asking him to stay the night in a long time.

Alone, I find myself pulling on my boots and a coat and walking over to Haymitch's place instead of staring at it. The waiting and watching was getting pathetic. Besides, Gale's presence is no reason why I shouldn't say hello to Hazelle while she's here.

I knock to announce myself before opening the door as I usually do. "Haymitch?"

"Dining room." His voice sounds curt and I imagine the look of irritation that is probably on his face with a raise of my eyebrows.

"Katniss? Is that you?" Hazelle sounds much more welcoming and even comes to greet me at the door.

"Hi," I say, standing stiffly as she hugs me. When she squeezes me slightly, I hug her back.

"I missed you," she sighs in my ear.

I relax some, accepting that I'd missed her, too. Missed the days when Gale and I had made it our mission to provide for not only our own families, but each other's as well. "How are the kids?" I ask. It's a safe enough topic.

"Wonderful. You'll see for yourself when Gale returns with them."

I pull back some. "Gale left?"

"This afternoon. I thought you knew...and that that was why you finally came."

She is too perceptive.

"I didn't. I just wanted to say hello." Had he gone to fetch his bride as well? How could he come and go without a word to me?

"Hello, Sweetheart," Haymitch drawls, joining us in the foyer. "Come to pass along your congratulations in person, have you?"

"Well..." I debated lying.

"Peeta's making us a cake. Top that!"

It takes me a moment to understand. "Wait, you're getting married? To each other?"

"Well, Sweetheart, who else would I be marrying? Greasy Sae?"

"Think she'd take issue with me staying here with him if that were the case," Hazelle says, patting my cheek.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn't I stop to wonder why they were staying with Haymitch in the first place? "So you're all moving back to District 12?"

"All but Gale." She looks as though she wants to say more but thinks better of it. Bless her for that.

"We were in the middle of dinner, so if you don't mind..." Haymitch begins.

"Oh, you go eat, I haven't seen this girl in ages..."

"I don't want to intrude," I say.

"Oh stop," she says, leading me past an irritated Haymitch.

I look at him apologetically, but go with Hazelle to the living room.

"You look wonderful. Haymitch and Peeta say you're doing well."

"I suppose," I say, neither confirming nor denying. We all have different ways of measuring wellness.

"Katniss, I have to ask... Now, mind you, I'm not trying to undermine your relationship with Peeta in anyway"- I never worried she would-"but I just have to know. I don't think Gale will ever stop punishing himself if he thinks you-"

"Hazelle-"

"Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive him? I'm not saying what happened to her was his fault, but-"

"Hazelle..."

"-he acts as though it may as well have been-"

"Hazelle!" I am almost begging for her to stop.

She takes hold of my hands, pinning them in her lap in anticipation of an escape attempt. "-he loves you, he loved Prim, and the idea that he may have played any part in what happened tears him up inside. He can't move on because of what he thinks he's done to you. That's the only reason he took that job...trying to repent... I'm not saying love him back, just, please don't hate my son."

I see the tears in her eyes and know my own mirror hers.

I pull my hands free and stand. "I need to go. I'm sorry I interrupted you two. Congratulations on the engagement." I hurry back to my house and don't breathe until the door is shut behind me.

Gale left without so much as a hello or a goodbye...and now I remember why that's a good thing. I don't know if I can give him the absolution, or at least forgiveness, that Hazelle says he needs. I don't know what I expected. Really, did I expect anything? All I felt when I heard he wasn't coming home was relief. I didn't think about him or how it of it affected him. It was easier for me to cope with, so it was okay. No one will ever accuse me of selflessness, that's for sure.

I regain my bearings and leave the house once again.

Greasy Sae, her granddaughter, and a few others took up residence in a house in the Victor's village, making her as much my neighbor as Haymitch and Peeta. That is where I walk to now. I'm sure she's kept tabs on Gale during the time he's been gone and I have questions to ask.

She is sitting outside, watching her granddaughter play in the dirt.

"What does Gale do in District Two?" I ask.

"Hello to you, too... And I believe that's the first time I've heard you say the boy's name since you got out of your stupor," she says.

I shift my weight impatiently and wait for an answer to my question.

"Aside from being a government spokesperson, he helps develop war plans."

A wave of disgust hits me so hard I'm sure I'm going to throw up.

She looks at me reproachfully. "Not like that. Don't you watch television?"

"It's no longer mandatory."

Greasy Sae rolls her eyes. "Evacuation routes. Negotiation tactics. Non-violent resolutions..."

She continues to speak, but I've heard enough to set my mind in motion. I cease to hear her.

Hazelle said he was trying to repent.

All it would have taken were a few words that day he came to see me in the president's mansion. He loved me and I loved him and I should have told him I could make peace with what happened, tried to at least salvage our friendship if nothing else...

"Thank you," I interrupt. I walk home resolving to talk to Gale when he comes back. I need to make things right with him. He's trying so hard and how much notice have I taken of it? I acted as though he no longer existed in my world. Allowed him to exile himself from it. No more.


End file.
